Blue Velvet- Review

With a score of 7.8/10 on IMDb and nothing but praise here in this community, it was fair to say that I had some pretty high expectations for this film. It's been sitting on my watch pile for quite some time and I really needed to get to it, so when I did, I was left with nothing but a bad taste in my mouth. Quite disappointing considering that it is a David Lynch film.

There a quite a few problems with this film, particularly with the performances but I'll touch on that later.

As the story goes, Jeffery Beaumont returns home following a family emergency. Upon his return from the hospital, he sees a severed body part and believes it may be in relation to a crime. Joining forces with his local town detective and the detective's daughter, they a pulled into a dark world of perverse seduction and danger.

I'm going to be blunt about this, the performances were shockingly underwhelming. I understand that this is an older movie but it isn't THAT old. It seemed almost wasteful having to watch major and minor characters waltz across the screen in such a plastic and rigid way. In all honesty, it looked like almost every actor and actress in this film (aside from the main characters) wanted to be elsewhere. In particular, I found the acting of George Dickerson as Detective Williams probably one of the most disappointing. He was the literal embodiment of rigid.

Isabella Rossellini as Dorothy Vallens was one of the kookiest and somewhat pointless roles, despite being a main character. Why was she pointless? Because she seemed so directionless. She was nothing more than a masochist with Stockholm Syndrome. That's literally all I got out of her role. I expected her to be some midnight seductress with mystery and brood but there was none of that in sight. She just seemed erratic and lustful in such an unethical way. For a while there, she seemed to have promise and then it all faded away.

Dennis Hopper does alright in his role as Frank, the fucked-up and vulgar psychopath. If turning all audience members off from ever having sex again was his goal, then yes, he succeeded. At times he was downright terrifying and yet, he seemed to carry this movie all by himself. No one else seemed to help contribute to that which is pretty sad considering the performances could have been so much better if they had been more appropriately scripted.

The last person I want to talk about is Kyle McLachlan as Jeffery. I really didn't expect much of him when he first appeared onscreen. I try to keep an open mind, particularly if character introductions are slow. But he never really progressed. He too, appeared to be somewhat erratic in his decision making but what for? I think he was supposed to be scripted as a conniving and observant Hardy Boys wannabe. But I can't speak for what I saw. There was a lack of mystery and instead he appeared just to be an annoying college boy trying to stick his nose in a potential crime that he had no business in. Please stop with the do-it-yourself detectives.

The plot was far from acceptable. For starters, the crime itself was cloudy. We've suddenly moved on from the human remains and are now forced into a meaningless and undesirable sex scene with a woman (who only a few scenes ago threatened our protagonist with a knife). I understand that some directors want to spin the viewer's mind, make them think or come to conclusions. It's not that this film was hard to understand because it was too complex, it was hard to understand because there was nothing to understand to begin with. It doesn't leave you with anything intelligible to think about or anything to consider. It's just one confused, messy and complicated plot from start to end.

This film did absolutely nothing for me and in amongst feeling disappointed, I actually felt myself wanting to procrastinate. So many film titles and yet I picked this film that I came away from feeling like I'd wasted two hours of my life. Multiple times over I felt bored and considered switching it over. And like a book that hasn't somehow gripped me within a decent amount of time, I felt my open mind beginning to close. A stage curtain closing in slow motion and my eyes rolling around like a bowling ball.

However, some somewhat positive things I can say about this film is that the gore was pretty good. Nothing like open wounds and brains. The cinematography was beautiful at parts, particularly at the beginning with the luscious blooms and trimmed hedges. Although, it is important to remember that a film cannot just rely on it's good looks. The cinematography only goes so far and is most definitely not enough to carry an entire film such as this one. Good cinematography doesn't include zooming in on a rotting piece of human tissue or beetles that crawl in the dirt. Not even sure what the purpose was of that and I certainly don't care for it either.

I don't care how much you hate me for this, I'm embarrassed to have wasted hours of my life over a film that had a flurry of perfect reviews. For me, there just wasn't enough within this film to be a successful crime noir. Yes, it does have crime and sex but it leaves nothing more than a bad taste in your mouth.

Score: 4/10.